Christmas, please hurry!!

Most of all are just waiting for december to come, two reasons: vacations and CHRISTMAS.

This is one of my favorite holidays of the year, this is why:

School is over, sweaters are on and there are no worries in the world. We don’t have to do nothing. TV becomes our one and only friend. There is no better feeling in the world than not having to wake up early and sleep late without a care in the world. Eating all day everything that is in your fridge. One of this season’s workout consist in going from the touch to the fridge and then back.

Staying in your PJ’s all day. Cold weather means just one thing: long socks and snuggling in bed all day long. Watching for the 10th time Gossip Girl from the beggining and imagining how your life would be if you were Serena Van der Woodsen. Your other allie for this season is netflix.

Decorations. Decorating everything and I mean everything. Putting all the lights and socks is not easy. Climbing the walls to put all those colorful lights and surrounding all the outside trees of the house. Also is really fun making them. Making and decorating christmas wreath, spheres and banners, sewing pillows are things that can keep you busy and productive. Decorating food. Cookies, cupcakes, gingerbread houses. They also make perfect gifts that can save you lots of money. And the most important decoration that makes christmas, christmas: CHRISTMAS TREE! lights, spheres, the big star on top. This just completes christmas.

Christmas dinners, with friends and family they are allways amazing. Lots of food without any guilt, turkey, gravy, salad, smashed potatoes, beef, and mooore. Best of all, the left overs. This dinners bring every group of friends together. Food + friends + alcohol = best time ever and stories that will remain until the next dinner comes and you have new ones.

Fashion. All the prints and colors of fashion are just beautiful. Long socks, snowflakes and reindeer prints, leggins, oversize sweaters and coats. Feathers, fur, everything looks specially beautiful in this time of the year. Light colors; beige, brown, white, and really bright colors; red, green, and blue. High boots, short boots, leg warmers. Hats, scarfs, ear warmers and gloves.  All works out.

Christmas movies. All the channels are invaded with christmas movies and songs. The traditional movies that you se EVERY year like Home Alone, The Grinch, The Holiday, Miracle in 34h street, etc. This are a good example of movies that every living person in this world has seen. And during this season they repeat them over and over and over, just in case if you miss them.

Last but not least, SANTA and PRESENTS. This is the best part. No opening gifts until christmas morning, the waiting just makes it better. Gifts exchange with family (i think this is the most dissapointing one because they always give you ugly things or useless). Secret friend is the coolest thing ever to do with your group of friends. Christmas shopping for gifts is just insane, all the stores are crowded. You will keep half the stuff you buy that was meant for giving and end up with a financial crisis but it is worth it. Giving presents to your loved ones and seeing their faces it is just an amazing feeling.

The over exited people that annoys everybody. This people just make any christmas lover felinos of joy and love turn into hate. They just ruin christmas after 10 mins of being with them. First they share their happiness but then they are just to much and end up overwhelming you. They will want to sing and force everyone to do it, they would want to take pictures of everything and want to go to every christmas event like christmas plays and movies.  At the end of the day they are just part of the tradition and you will have to deal with them every year because no matter how hard you try they will be everywhere you go.

BONUS: candy canes! this is something really important if you are Gleen Coco, if not just pray to get one and not be like Gretchen.

photo credit: we heart it

FEEL LOVE, RECEIVE LOVE.

“We accept the love we think we deseve” – Perks of being a wallflower.

This quote marked me since i heard it. I heard it in a movie. Why some simple words had so much impact in me? It is just a quote, i read or hear lots of them all the time and none of them had made such an impact. I realized it meant that we only see a reflect of ourselves in other people and that we accept what we really feel for us.

I saw then that I’ve been with a lot of wrong people in my life. Friends and relationships that you could call “toxic”. Why i was with them? Because i thought that was what i deserve. Even though i knew when they didn’t treat me right, i thought it was love because that was how much i loved myself. I didn’t like myself so i thought i should be with people who treated me poorly. Mainly they were troubled, with issues and i thought that needed help.

There is a research about apples that explains that if you have a bunch of apples and one of them is rotten, the rest of them are going to do the same. This because the first apple started to generate a gas called Ethylene, that is produced when the fruit is rotting. And it make the other apples produce it and they get rotten.

This happens with people too. A toxic person, makes another like them and so it goes on. If you surround yourself with toxic people, you are more likely to become one of them too.

People become toxic because all sorts of reasons, maybe some grew in a toxic environment and they create one because that is what they know as “love”, others because of insecurities and/or low self esteem and there are lots of other reasons. So you have to identify if you are with this kind of people, so you can to avoid becoming one. This are some red flags that you have a toxic relationship:You think this person is more important than your own happiness.

• You make bad choices because of the influence they have on you
• Everything is always your fault
• You feel guilty after spending time with this people
• They make you feel less and not worthy with actions and/or comments
• You separate from friends and family because of this individual (s)

If people like this are surrounding your life, be careful and ask yourself if it really is what you wanted. I put up with this a long time because i had the tendency of being with people that needed help and had issues because i wanted to ignore my own issues. Helping others made me feel better and then i fell into the pattern of looking for people i thought i could “change” and that, maybe, eventually they would stop being toxic. Other times i felt guilt and pity for the other person so even though i knew it wasn’t good for me, i couldn’t leave them. Or just because they were in my social group and i had to deal with them constantly and i wanted to avoid conflict, but the most important reason of all is that I thought i didn’t deserve being happy because i didn’t love myself.

Being in this type of relationships also have a GREAT impact on health. In my case, they were physically and mentally issues. The physical ones were fatigue, i’ve always felt drained, like if someone just suck all my energy. The mental ones started with anxiety. Being with a big group of people (especially unknown) made me feel anxious and stressed and so i got nervous gastritis. Then depression came. I didn’t enjoy any activities, I preferred staying in my room or go out and party to forget everything . My performance in school went from bad to worst. My depression started to grow and grow until i didn’t even like myself so i started having an eating disorder. After my parents and I realize something was not right, I got professional help and pull me out of that dark whole. Making me see I needed to get rid of the toxicity even though it meant that only a few friends would remain, but they would be the good ones.

Today i’m still cleaning my life of all those toxic relations. Now I know my worth, I don’t need people in my life that make me feel less and underappreciated. You have to fix yourself before trying fixing other people. Stop focusing on others and focus on you. Maybe it sound selfish but we DO need selfishness sometimes. We need to think in what we need in order to be at peace with ourselves. I surround myself with positive people that make me happy. Do healthy activities that release stress and clear your minds. Last but not least always remember: Pain is not love.

photo credit: we heart it.

Saints and Sinners

We all are saints or sinners and some of us are just more forward about it and have no intention on hiding their true selves. Some may call them the “prude” and the “slut” but i think thats a bit radical, for me saints are not prudes and sinners are not sluts, they are just more reserved in one way and the others like to break the rules a little. Now i’m going to talk about the kinds of saints and sinners that I know:

1. THE SAINT: first we have this type. Again, i’m not saying they are prude and that they live with nuns. This are the type of girl that is reserved with certain things and topics. They don’t like to break rules, they like to stick to what their parents told them it is good and bad. They like the safety. In a relationship they like to have things clear, what are we? Where are we going? They don’t fool around. Believe in the slogan of “true love waits”, their self-respect is really high. Party girls? Not so much, early curfew. They have high morals and they stick to their beliefs. They are really sweet and really good friends, betrayal is not in their nature. Always thinking in the others, they are selfless.

 

2. THE “SAINT” THAT IS A SINNER: for me this are the worst kind of girls I know. They act like they are saints, judging other people because that is exactly what they do or want to do. This girls are sneaky, manipulative and usually backstabbers. They make you believe they are really nice and good friends and they are always talking about how well they behave in attempt to convince you that they are really good. They are not. They are the worst because everything is a lie. If you trust them, behind your back they tell other people everything, with details, and trash you with them. This are usually scared of judgment so they think they have to wear this mask and judge other people so they feel better about themselves and what they do.

3. THE SINNER: they just do whatever they want to do. And the forbidden fruit tastes better. They are just open about everything and are not afraid of judgment and of course they don’t judge because they’ve done worst. Usually have outgoing personalities, impulsive and direct. If you have a friend like this, they are going to tell you the things straight forward without the fear of hurting your feelings. You can talk to them about everything, they don’t get scared with any type of conversations and they won’t lie about what they’ve done. If they want it, they go for it. They live without a care in the world and, sometimes, they are irresponsible. You never know if they are going to show up or not.

 

4. THE SINNER/SAINT: they are the perfect balance of sinner and saint. They do what they want, maybe break some rules but they really have a moral compass that rules their life. They may be dancing in the table at 4am, but it’s unthinkable missing sunday mass and their social service. They are outgoing sociable persons, but they are firm believers in some things and be judgmental sometimes. They are self-contradictory about what they say. They are nice but deep down they have their weapons and you never know when they might use them.

The shoe fits? wear it. No matter if you are a saint or a sinner. Be who you like to be and don´t be scared of what other people may thing. Do what you want to do, whenever you want, and with whoever you want to. Always believe in what you want and don’t let anybody make you do something you don’t want. Be true to yourself.

picture credit: we heart it

From destruction to construction

AUTOSABOTAGE, first let’s get this concept clear. What is auto sabotage? This is a self-destructive tendency a lot of people have and actually, don’t realize it. This is when you destroy something you want such as a diet or a relationship, your grades or your work. This is when you set a goal but you think you are not good enough and before you fail, you make excuses to break it or to destroy it. Auto sabotage feeds of fear, and low self-esteem. It grows constantly with every failure and with every critic and this leads to self-destruction.

         I realized I was sabotaging myself long time ago and I think I still do it sometimes. The only difference, now I realize that I am doing it. I am a very insecure person. I feel insecure about lots of things, from head to toe and from the inside too. I started to think why I was doing that and that I had to change in order to move on, progress and grow as a person. The questions that you need to ask yourself are:

• When? When I started to sabotage myself?
• What? What I’m doing to fail in all the things I want to achieve?
• Why? Why I’m sabotaging myself?
• Who? Who are the people holding me back?

Once you answer the questions, things start making sense and you stop blaming your “bad luck” or other people for you failures. I realized that I was auto sabotaging since I could remember (when) and that specially I failed in school and in my relationships (what) and that I was all doing it because of both, fear and insecurities (why) and realize I was hanging out with the wrong people that were only holding me back and making me feel more insecure (who). This were all the answers to my questions and I found out that all along I was blaming others and making me feel I wasn’t good enough, when I could only blame myself. Good thing I realize this before I destructed myself.

         I’m starting to change little by little and the things that I’ve learned in order to eliminate this self destruction tendency was, first of all, cut all negativity. Negativity can come from your “friends”. I used to live under the shadow of some friends that always were making me feel inferior and insecure. Always comparing myself with them and thinking they were better than me, smarter, prettier, and everything. Friends that only used me for their convenience and I was afraid of letting them go even though I knew they weren’t good for me because I didn’t want to be alone. I also eliminated all the negative habits I had, such as drinking and smoking. I started to realize that going out and drinking like if there was no tomorrow is not everything in this world and I’m not saying I don’t enjoy an occasionally beer, but there is no point on going out to drink in excess with people who are your “party friends” and not real ones. I now rather have two real friends than 20 fake ones.

         Regarding the relationship sabotage, girls have the tendency to push everything either is by giving “too much, too easy”. This means that maybe we just met someone and we start texting and being too intense or by just having sex when you met, without knowing each other and then asking “why they don’t want anything else?” letting you feeling lonelier. Another sabotage characteristic is that we start looking for all the defects and things that once you liked, now you don’t and start criticizing and making the other people feel bad and maybe, even humiliated. Starting to be jealous it may also be a sabotage tendency because of your insecurities. I didn’t understand why my relationships didn’t work. For me it was all about insecurity. I didn’t want to get emotionally attached. I felt bad about myself so I criticized my partners in order to feel better and I was extremely jealous because I didn’t have self-confidence and I was always angry and didn’t enjoy anything. Every time I started enjoying something I got scared, scared I was opening myself too much. Letting someone in scared me to death because that meant that they were able to break my heart and get to know the real me and thought they wouldn’t like it. So I auto sabotaged every one of my relationships and only hang out with people that were the same and didn’t want to get emotionally involved and it was just the appearance and I was trying to convince myself and others by talking how awesome it was.

         Realizing all this things made me realize how empty was my life. I was hurting myself. Eliminating the negative people and habits made me being a happier person and realizing this were the reasons I was failing in some things and holding myself back. I’m trying now not to do it, and when I realize I’m sabotaging something I quickly try to change it. It is not worth it. I CAN do everything that I want and if I fail, I try again, instead of being hard on myself. I CAN love and be loved in return by respecting myself and by not being scared if things don’t go the way I want, maybe they take me to a better a place. When I catch myself criticizing me or comparing me with someone else, I stop, think and correct it. Have present why you want to be better and grow as a person.

Let go and be happy.

picture credit: we heart it.

LOVE

The ancient greeks said that there were four types of love:

– Familiar

– Friendship

– Sexual/romantic

– Divine love

I’m going to talk about the third kind of love. The love you feel for somebody else, the romantic one.

I am a very cold, I-don’t-show-my-emotions kind of person. And for me, love is finding the person who I can show my emotions. The person I can share them with. I am a person with trust issues so when I start to tell you my emotions and why I feel like that, that is when you know I’m not just wasting my time with you but that I love you. I think everybody has a different perspective of love and everybody knows when they feel it and why. For me finding a person I can trust and share about me is finding love. Finding the person I can laugh but also can be serious.

I think that actions can speak louder than words, and when you are in love, your attitude and actions are positive and if they’re not maybe you are not in love, cause I think love has the power of turning the angriest man into a loving kitty. Also, love allows you to give somebody a free pass to know you, all of you. Your light and your darkness. It gives you a partner, somebody that is with you in your darkest moments and help you go through them. To share the moments of light, the moments of happiness and joy.You’ve heard the quote:

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

– Marilyn Monroe

And it is true. But also you have to be careful who do you give your love to. Some people are only in your life for a little bit, and don’t have any intention of staying. They only want to enjoy good moments, enjoy your light. You have to pick who is worth your time, your trust, YOUR LOVE and that your love is corresponded. Love should not be a just- one-way feeling, and when it is like that, is when you start to close yourself to love. As if love was the one that hurt you. No, it wasn’t love, it was the inability of realizing the hard truth that he’s just not that into you (or her), another phrase and movie that it should be a must in every girl’s life. That movie talks about that you have to stop avoiding the reality and realize that not everyone deserves your love and maybe you just want to feel love so badly that you are willing to give it to the first person that shows any interest and give them the chance to break you, just making you feel lonelier and emptier. Sometimes that feeling is like a drug, because when you go out looking for someone to fill in something that it is missing, you delude yourself thinking that someone you met that moment, loves you and for that moment you are happy thinking that that emptiness you felt now is gone, but when the truth hits you again you feel guilt and sadness and you have to do it over and over again, just to distract yourself from that reality that you just don’t want to feel and to think that you are happy. Recognize the difference between the feeling and the illusion. Sometimes people are just in love with love and not actually in love. They just want to feel it so bad that end disappointed and again blame it on love. Saying that “love sucks” and “it’s just a waste of time” but in reality you got disappointed because you weren’t in love, it was just an illusion. So first, know yourself, love yourself and figure out what it is that you really want and especially what you need. Maybe, alone time to discover who you are and what do you want in life and that if it really is worth it  what you being doing to yourself. Loving yourself before loving somebody else is essential, knowing your flaws and your virtudes and also finding someone that loves both of them. And don’t waste your time with temporary loves and by temporary it doesn’t mean about just one night stands but also long relationships that are just wasting your time because you are afraid of being alone. Be brave.

“Love comes when you least expect it”. Give without expecting something in return, grow as an individual and just be the best version of you. And I’m not saying I’m sure of who am I and what do I want, but now I know I’m not filling an emptiness and wasting my time and the other person’s time. I know t what i want and I’m not afraid anymore and I know how much I’m worth, because i failed a lot of times but I learned from my mistakes and how to be brave and to face my fears, because my greatest fear was getting to know myself, now I know i have much more than just darkness. And still, I have a lot to learn but I will take it a step at a time.

photo credit: we heart it.