FEEL LOVE, RECEIVE LOVE.

“We accept the love we think we deseve” – Perks of being a wallflower.

This quote marked me since i heard it. I heard it in a movie. Why some simple words had so much impact in me? It is just a quote, i read or hear lots of them all the time and none of them had made such an impact. I realized it meant that we only see a reflect of ourselves in other people and that we accept what we really feel for us.

I saw then that I’ve been with a lot of wrong people in my life. Friends and relationships that you could call “toxic”. Why i was with them? Because i thought that was what i deserve. Even though i knew when they didn’t treat me right, i thought it was love because that was how much i loved myself. I didn’t like myself so i thought i should be with people who treated me poorly. Mainly they were troubled, with issues and i thought that needed help.

There is a research about apples that explains that if you have a bunch of apples and one of them is rotten, the rest of them are going to do the same. This because the first apple started to generate a gas called Ethylene, that is produced when the fruit is rotting. And it make the other apples produce it and they get rotten.

This happens with people too. A toxic person, makes another like them and so it goes on. If you surround yourself with toxic people, you are more likely to become one of them too.

People become toxic because all sorts of reasons, maybe some grew in a toxic environment and they create one because that is what they know as “love”, others because of insecurities and/or low self esteem and there are lots of other reasons. So you have to identify if you are with this kind of people, so you can to avoid becoming one. This are some red flags that you have a toxic relationship:You think this person is more important than your own happiness.

• You make bad choices because of the influence they have on you
• Everything is always your fault
• You feel guilty after spending time with this people
• They make you feel less and not worthy with actions and/or comments
• You separate from friends and family because of this individual (s)

If people like this are surrounding your life, be careful and ask yourself if it really is what you wanted. I put up with this a long time because i had the tendency of being with people that needed help and had issues because i wanted to ignore my own issues. Helping others made me feel better and then i fell into the pattern of looking for people i thought i could “change” and that, maybe, eventually they would stop being toxic. Other times i felt guilt and pity for the other person so even though i knew it wasn’t good for me, i couldn’t leave them. Or just because they were in my social group and i had to deal with them constantly and i wanted to avoid conflict, but the most important reason of all is that I thought i didn’t deserve being happy because i didn’t love myself.

Being in this type of relationships also have a GREAT impact on health. In my case, they were physically and mentally issues. The physical ones were fatigue, i’ve always felt drained, like if someone just suck all my energy. The mental ones started with anxiety. Being with a big group of people (especially unknown) made me feel anxious and stressed and so i got nervous gastritis. Then depression came. I didn’t enjoy any activities, I preferred staying in my room or go out and party to forget everything . My performance in school went from bad to worst. My depression started to grow and grow until i didn’t even like myself so i started having an eating disorder. After my parents and I realize something was not right, I got professional help and pull me out of that dark whole. Making me see I needed to get rid of the toxicity even though it meant that only a few friends would remain, but they would be the good ones.

Today i’m still cleaning my life of all those toxic relations. Now I know my worth, I don’t need people in my life that make me feel less and underappreciated. You have to fix yourself before trying fixing other people. Stop focusing on others and focus on you. Maybe it sound selfish but we DO need selfishness sometimes. We need to think in what we need in order to be at peace with ourselves. I surround myself with positive people that make me happy. Do healthy activities that release stress and clear your minds. Last but not least always remember: Pain is not love.

photo credit: we heart it.

Saints and Sinners

We all are saints or sinners and some of us are just more forward about it and have no intention on hiding their true selves. Some may call them the “prude” and the “slut” but i think thats a bit radical, for me saints are not prudes and sinners are not sluts, they are just more reserved in one way and the others like to break the rules a little. Now i’m going to talk about the kinds of saints and sinners that I know:

1. THE SAINT: first we have this type. Again, i’m not saying they are prude and that they live with nuns. This are the type of girl that is reserved with certain things and topics. They don’t like to break rules, they like to stick to what their parents told them it is good and bad. They like the safety. In a relationship they like to have things clear, what are we? Where are we going? They don’t fool around. Believe in the slogan of “true love waits”, their self-respect is really high. Party girls? Not so much, early curfew. They have high morals and they stick to their beliefs. They are really sweet and really good friends, betrayal is not in their nature. Always thinking in the others, they are selfless.

 

2. THE “SAINT” THAT IS A SINNER: for me this are the worst kind of girls I know. They act like they are saints, judging other people because that is exactly what they do or want to do. This girls are sneaky, manipulative and usually backstabbers. They make you believe they are really nice and good friends and they are always talking about how well they behave in attempt to convince you that they are really good. They are not. They are the worst because everything is a lie. If you trust them, behind your back they tell other people everything, with details, and trash you with them. This are usually scared of judgment so they think they have to wear this mask and judge other people so they feel better about themselves and what they do.

3. THE SINNER: they just do whatever they want to do. And the forbidden fruit tastes better. They are just open about everything and are not afraid of judgment and of course they don’t judge because they’ve done worst. Usually have outgoing personalities, impulsive and direct. If you have a friend like this, they are going to tell you the things straight forward without the fear of hurting your feelings. You can talk to them about everything, they don’t get scared with any type of conversations and they won’t lie about what they’ve done. If they want it, they go for it. They live without a care in the world and, sometimes, they are irresponsible. You never know if they are going to show up or not.

 

4. THE SINNER/SAINT: they are the perfect balance of sinner and saint. They do what they want, maybe break some rules but they really have a moral compass that rules their life. They may be dancing in the table at 4am, but it’s unthinkable missing sunday mass and their social service. They are outgoing sociable persons, but they are firm believers in some things and be judgmental sometimes. They are self-contradictory about what they say. They are nice but deep down they have their weapons and you never know when they might use them.

The shoe fits? wear it. No matter if you are a saint or a sinner. Be who you like to be and don´t be scared of what other people may thing. Do what you want to do, whenever you want, and with whoever you want to. Always believe in what you want and don’t let anybody make you do something you don’t want. Be true to yourself.

picture credit: we heart it

LOVE

The ancient greeks said that there were four types of love:

– Familiar

– Friendship

– Sexual/romantic

– Divine love

I’m going to talk about the third kind of love. The love you feel for somebody else, the romantic one.

I am a very cold, I-don’t-show-my-emotions kind of person. And for me, love is finding the person who I can show my emotions. The person I can share them with. I am a person with trust issues so when I start to tell you my emotions and why I feel like that, that is when you know I’m not just wasting my time with you but that I love you. I think everybody has a different perspective of love and everybody knows when they feel it and why. For me finding a person I can trust and share about me is finding love. Finding the person I can laugh but also can be serious.

I think that actions can speak louder than words, and when you are in love, your attitude and actions are positive and if they’re not maybe you are not in love, cause I think love has the power of turning the angriest man into a loving kitty. Also, love allows you to give somebody a free pass to know you, all of you. Your light and your darkness. It gives you a partner, somebody that is with you in your darkest moments and help you go through them. To share the moments of light, the moments of happiness and joy.You’ve heard the quote:

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

– Marilyn Monroe

And it is true. But also you have to be careful who do you give your love to. Some people are only in your life for a little bit, and don’t have any intention of staying. They only want to enjoy good moments, enjoy your light. You have to pick who is worth your time, your trust, YOUR LOVE and that your love is corresponded. Love should not be a just- one-way feeling, and when it is like that, is when you start to close yourself to love. As if love was the one that hurt you. No, it wasn’t love, it was the inability of realizing the hard truth that he’s just not that into you (or her), another phrase and movie that it should be a must in every girl’s life. That movie talks about that you have to stop avoiding the reality and realize that not everyone deserves your love and maybe you just want to feel love so badly that you are willing to give it to the first person that shows any interest and give them the chance to break you, just making you feel lonelier and emptier. Sometimes that feeling is like a drug, because when you go out looking for someone to fill in something that it is missing, you delude yourself thinking that someone you met that moment, loves you and for that moment you are happy thinking that that emptiness you felt now is gone, but when the truth hits you again you feel guilt and sadness and you have to do it over and over again, just to distract yourself from that reality that you just don’t want to feel and to think that you are happy. Recognize the difference between the feeling and the illusion. Sometimes people are just in love with love and not actually in love. They just want to feel it so bad that end disappointed and again blame it on love. Saying that “love sucks” and “it’s just a waste of time” but in reality you got disappointed because you weren’t in love, it was just an illusion. So first, know yourself, love yourself and figure out what it is that you really want and especially what you need. Maybe, alone time to discover who you are and what do you want in life and that if it really is worth it  what you being doing to yourself. Loving yourself before loving somebody else is essential, knowing your flaws and your virtudes and also finding someone that loves both of them. And don’t waste your time with temporary loves and by temporary it doesn’t mean about just one night stands but also long relationships that are just wasting your time because you are afraid of being alone. Be brave.

“Love comes when you least expect it”. Give without expecting something in return, grow as an individual and just be the best version of you. And I’m not saying I’m sure of who am I and what do I want, but now I know I’m not filling an emptiness and wasting my time and the other person’s time. I know t what i want and I’m not afraid anymore and I know how much I’m worth, because i failed a lot of times but I learned from my mistakes and how to be brave and to face my fears, because my greatest fear was getting to know myself, now I know i have much more than just darkness. And still, I have a lot to learn but I will take it a step at a time.

photo credit: we heart it.